He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
