i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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