i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
