I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
