My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
