You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
