This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
