Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
