I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
