i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
