Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
