Have you finally orgasmed yet?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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