just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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