i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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