somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
