6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
