I look better un-naked...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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