If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
