So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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