he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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