i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
