when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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