he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
