So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
