But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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