I am puke
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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