hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
