who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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