At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
