You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
At least life still wants to fuck me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
