I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
