Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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