how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My balls are so social today.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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