well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
