i jhust puked up my retainher.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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