hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Randomize
