I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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