Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
