I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he was CRYING into my vagina
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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