We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
