i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
