that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
