i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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