glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
