i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
