Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
