I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
