no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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