No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
