How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
