Duck Duck Cougar?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
