I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
