Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
