wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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