I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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