I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
