I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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