My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Congratulations! We have a period
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