ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
