he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
