wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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