i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize