This is not my ceiling
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
