I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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