6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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