marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
