just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
