somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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