We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
