I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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