I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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