he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
