he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
