I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
