the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
